Run, Run, Run

"Gerald Choa wants to know what's the bleedin' point."

I feel like giving up. The banality of life is eating me away. I dread tomorrow. I just want to forget yesterday.

And as for today, I would very much like to screw it.

Go on, blame it on typical adolescent angst, nothing but a euphemism for "your hormones" (I'm sick and tired of hearing that phrase, by the way).

There's one thing that's keeping me going. And at the same time, it's also worsening the situation. Isn't it funny how things work out?

Actually, no.

Distractions.

As I've stated before in one of my previous posts (I think), I, like any other student, am a very proficient procrastinator, so much so that I constantly amaze myself at all the innovative ways I manage to keep myself from doing work.

But you know what? For once in my life, I will not look at this particular skill I've acquired with disdain but instead embrace it. 'Cos it's the only thing that's preventing me from losing my sanity. Or at least what's left standing of it.

You are entirely entitled (and you totally should) frown upon my (somewhat infamous) obsession with obtaining three thousand nine hundred and sixty virtual ingredients on a pointless Facebook application. But I have a reason for doing so. My unhealthy perfectionist tendencies aside, it provides me with a haven, a hidey hole from the countless worries that plague me in the real world.

But in the end, I've to concede that this distraction probably does more harm than good. It's not particularly potent and within minutes I already find myself tumbling back into reality and berating myself for wasting so much time (and subsequently finding another distraction). Yeah, the aftertaste isn't so great...

I want an escape button in life. I want to be able to press it at any time I deem opportune and see where it takes me away from the stacks of paper, away from everything.

I want a rabbit hole. I want to able to jump down it and find myself in a world where surreality and "illogic" rule (but not before smashing that rabbit's wristwatch, or maybe the rabbit itself...). Where you can run across its fields that stretch beyond the non-existent horizon without a care in the world. Run, run, run.

I want to be able to tear the fabric of reality like how I can so easily tear the many drafts of my OM script. And then I can jump through the rip I created or just dissipate with reality into nothing but nothing-ness.

It's nothing special, what I desire for. It's an incredibly common human want. The desire to escape to a better place. A fantastical place as opposed to the mundane society we are so accustomed to living in to the point that we have become sick of it.

That want to escape has sprouted up entire industries.

People want to dive into novels. Maybe attend Hogwarts, or walk across the streets of 19th century London and let their skills of deductive reasoning turn them into the Victorian equivalent of a superstar.

People want a world where hearing is their only bodily function. Go into a state of serenity with the gentle flowing rivers of sound that are Beethoven or Mozart or whoever's masterpieces. Or maybe they want their vocal chords in addition to their ears, so they can scream along with the singer and end up in a state of adrenaline.

People want to run away and never come back.

But until she greets us, scythe in hand, we will always be pulled back.