Plunge

I've been miserable lately.

And this time, I actually know why.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of everyone's expectations of me. I'm afraid that I won't be able to live up to them.

I'm afraid of failing my own expectations.

I'm afraid of what's to come. I'm afraid that I won't be able to rise to the occasion when it does reach me.

I'm afraid that this year, everything will plunge.

My grades, my abilities, my already wavering confidence.

I'm afraid that I'll plunge.







That I'll fall.

From a great height.

I've always been afraid of heights. Was "so scared" of it when I was a little kid. Now, I'm still hopelessly mortified.

It's rather strange. Strange that I've gotten most of my irrational childhood fears. Fears of darkness, death, blood, the unknown... Not heights though.

Think I found the explanation for this. It's the plunge that I'm terrified of. The fall.

I don't mind simply being up in the air, nor do I mind the prospect of crashing down onto the ground, but the falling, just the falling... well, that's a different story.

Plagued me every time I did some stunt like rock climbing. I was always afraid of being unable to reach the next handle (or whatever it's called), causing me to slip and fall.

Cheesy metaphor? Oh, yes. But still...


But you know what?

Let me be miserable.

Because that's when I write best. That's when all the words start coming to me...

So I need to be miserable, 'cos this blog needs to get full-blown philosophical real soon.

So I need inspiration. And since my blog needs a niche, I'll begin every LA-related post (including the four writings I posted in January; I'll go back to edit them) with a photograph from DeviantArt and utilise it to start my rant. Who needs tags?

And one more thing. I'll try to make sure everything I type is conveyed through my voice. Meaning my posts are not gonna sound like perfectly politically correct literature essays. Trust me, this may return to being an educational blog, but there's no way I'm gonna practice self-censorship. That's bleedin' ridiculous.

But don't worry, I'll refrain from unleashing a flurry of f-bombs. No matter how much I want to...